What the what?!

Ok - I am convinced that my scale is broken.  Oh, and so is Josh's scale.  Because they both say the SAME weight...and it's been a WEEK!!!!  No weight loss in a week!  GRRRR.  ARRRGGGH.  My previous post of the drop in 0.8 lbs was apparently just wishful thinking (which is what I figured since it was my 3rd weigh in that morning in approximately 5 minutes, in my attempt to force the scale into giving me a better reading) - because the rest of the week my weight has ben 172.8 and 172.6 today (Josh's scale). 

On the plus side - my clothes are fitting fabulously!  My jeans are falling off of me.  But the scale will NOT budge.  I even drank over 12 glasses of water yesterday to try to get it to budge this morning - nothing.  LAMENESS!!!!  So frustrating.

No idea what is going on, and it's starting to chip away at my resolve to eat like a good girl.  Especially because today is "Birthday Donuts" day at work.  Yes, there are currently boxes and boxes of delicious donuts in the office kitchen...all waiting for consumption by eager mouths and salivary glands.  Alas, I am fighting the temptation.  I will NOT give in to donut madness.  I will NOT cover myself in donut deliciousness and proceed to nibble away at myself throughout the day.  I will enjoy my oatmeal breakfast, chicken and green bean lunch, and my snack of carbMASTER yogurt.  And it will be even more delicious.  Because, tomorrow dammit, the scale will FRICKEN MOVE!!!!!  

Note the empty boxes.  Oh and the pretty view from the office kitchen!

Oh, and tonight I'm treating myself and going out for sushi.  Yes, it's NOT technically allowed, but here is how I'm justifying it:

A) Sushi is fish, which is good for you and contain essential amino acids and healthy fats.

B) Today is a "carb day" so I am allowed rice.  (Granted, only 1/2 C...it should be brown...and it should be consumed before 3pm today - ehhhh....).

C) Instead of having two pieces of fruit today, I am forgoing fruit in favor of the carbs in the sushi.  Oh, and the carbs in the tempura batter from the tempura roll I will be gorging on (photos to come later).

D) I probably should have planned this out better and forgone the oatmeal for breakfast in favor of something less carby, so make room for the carbs at dinner tonight...but OH WELL.  It is what it is!

E) I'm estimating on the calories (based on what my dear sparkpeople food diary says) for the rolls, and am staying within my calorie alotment.

F) I don't know why I started an F, I really don't have anything else to add.  But, here's an "F" anyway!



Updated photo of me at 172ish.



To help me stick to my plan and stay on track, I'm going to creat my menu plan for the rest of the week...JUST SEVEN MORE DAYS IN PHASE II!!!! 

BTW - I've figured out how to help prevent apathy towards sticking to the plan...anytime I feel like I'm looking GOOD and feeling proud of m weight loss - I'm going to take a picture of myself.  Inevitably, I am able to determine (from the photo) that I have a VERY long way to go (see photo left - I thought I looked AMAZING...I obviously have a LONG way to go).

So far, it's NOT looking good for my 5 lb weight loss by next week.  Eeeep!  Once again - it is what it is.  :)  I can only put in the work.  I cannot control the results (to a point).  I recently googled "weight loss stalling on 17 day diet" and after reading the following posting, I feel MUCH better about the weight loss stall: http://tksinclair.com/?p=343

Exercise.  I know - I should REALLY be exercising.  I think I'm very close to working up to it.  I find that the sunshine is a GREAT way to motivate me to get moving.  It looks pretty outside, and so many people are active and running around.  I want to do it too!  So, here is the tentative plan: on Monday, I'm going to bring my work out clothes to work.  And during my lunch break, I'm going to go for a walk.  And if I feel like it, I'm going to start my 20 minutes of 30/30 interval running (Galloway method: http://www.jeffgalloway.com/training/walk_breaks.html). 

No pressure.  But, the weather should be nice, and I have no excuse to take a 30 minute lunch break and get out of the office (I usually eat at my desk).  Hopefully this will move the weight loss along better.  On Tuesday, I'm going to bring my work out gear to work again, and I'm going to do the SAME thing.  And then, Tuesday night, I'm going to do a few strength training exercises as prescribed by Sparkpeople (http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/fitness2.asp).  And I'm going to do the same on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday with strength training on Sat (walking/running every day; strength training T/Th/Sat).

In fact, I think I might go for a walk/run tomorrow!  Just to get the blood flowing.  It's supposed to be a beautiful day.  I will see if I can locate the leashes/harnesses for Josh's dogs and I will take them out into the neighborhood for a jaunt - they will really like that.  YAY!  I'm feeling PUMPED!

On Sunday, Josh and I might go to the movies for father's day.  In which case, I will definitely be consuming popcorn.  And I will somehow have to figure out how to justify the astronomical calories for that one...

Phase II - Change of Attitude

So, I'm on Day 9 of Phase II.  And the first week was not so hot.

Part of me wants to have a "do-over" and extend Phase II by at least 3-4 days.  Another part of me wants the other part to relax and realize it's life.  Sometimes you plan to be perfect, and sometimes your plan goes to hell in a handbasket.  No biggie.  You pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move on. 

When I weighed in after Phase I, I was at 172.8.

I had a cheat day that day.  Avoided weigh in the next day.  Tried to stick to my plan, but the calorie ranges when something like this:
Day 1 (Phase II) - 1226;
Day 2 - 1424;
Day 3 - 1583;
Day 4 - 3297;
Day 5 - 1765;
Day 6 - 1022;
Day 7 - 1290;
Day 8 - 952;
Day 9 - 1294 (today - assuming I stick to my plans for dinner and snacks)

Average overall calories consumed - 1539.22 (slightly UNDER my maximum calorie range for the day - assuming the range is calculated correctly - however this is NOT including my cheat day the day before I started Phase II).  This is WAY too high for my taste.

I went over calories on Day 3...completely cheated on Day 4, sort of cheated on Day 5, and brought it all back to center by Day 6.

I weighed in yesterday morning - exact same weight was I was on Day 1.  I weighed in this morning.  Exact same weight.  I'm beginning to think my scale is broken.

I put make-up on, finished getting ready (minus clothes) and weighed myself again.  This time - 172.  I'm taking it.  Even though I am highly suspicious of the number, I am owning the weight.

So, in 9 days, I have managed to lose 0.8 pounds.  Considering that I was over my calorie range 3+ days out of 9, I think this is a pretty great feat.

I was trying to determine, this weekend, what my problem was!  Why was I feeling panicked about junk food - I wanted and felt I NEEDED to binge.  Why?  What the hell was so different?  Was it because I got a "taste" of the carb life and wanted it all back?! 

Or, had I just lost my focus? 

I was fearing it was the former and that I would have to do a master cleanse of some sort to rid my diet of carbs and all things sugar (fake or not).  But, after Sunday, I think it all comes down to focus.

During the first phase, I marked up my calendar with a count down and marked the days off as I successfully completed them.  For some reason, I stopped doing that this phase.  Phase I I also thought of as "only 17 days - I can 'try' anything for 17 days".  I thought of this as an experiment that I would test out - if it was successful and effective - great!  If not, at least I learned some new recipes and meal plan ideas.

For some reason, in Phase II, my mindset got all screwed up.  Instead of thinking of it as "just 17 days", and an "experiment" I was working on, I started to dread the fact that this was going to be the rest of my life.  I started mourning the loss of yummy, albeit dangerously unhealthy, foods and I started to get obstinate.  The crazy person in my head threw a temper tantrum and my reasonable side gave in.  I started with the mentality of "I don't want to do this!"; "I want to eat what I want!"; etc.  All the while, reasonable and sane Jenn was thinking "why do I keep self sabotaging myself?  What is wrong with me?  Why do I keep doing this every time I get to this weight?!"

I've noticed a pattern in the last year+ with my weight loss.  Every time I have gotten to this weight - I start to become lax in my eating, logging food, etc.  It happened to me in October when I reached this weight.  It happened in March when I reached this weight, and it's happening again.  What is with this number?!  I worked very hard to get to this weight.  And I have A LONG way to go to get to the weight that I think I'll feel comfortable at - but for some reason I start to get comfortable with this weight and start to get lax.  I'm not in maintenance!  I'm far from it!  Yet, in my mind, my journey is not as important, for some reason.  Very interesting to me. 

I'd appreciate insight if you have any ideas or thoughts about self-sabotage.

So, to get back on track on Sunday, I decided to create a menu plan, go grocery shopping, and plan my week out.  I also started focusing on the fact that this was "just an experiment" and it was "only for 17 days".  I started counting down on the calendar.  And these mini challenges seem to have helped me get it all back on track.

Well, except for the white cheddar popcorn I ate for snack today.  Definitely not on plan.  But, the calories have been logged, and are included in the numbers above.  No biggie.  It's life, right?  Popcorn happens.  :)

So, I'm feeling motivated - once again.  I am determined to get down to 168 by June 22 (the end of Phase II) - that's just 4 pounds away.  And I feel like I can do it!

It's really hard for me to give an honest opinion of the weight loss speed in Phase II because my first week was atypical.  I'm hoping that this next week will prove to be more representative of the weight loss in the 2nd phase of the plan.  :)

Happy Wednesday to all!