Phase II - Change of Attitude

So, I'm on Day 9 of Phase II.  And the first week was not so hot.

Part of me wants to have a "do-over" and extend Phase II by at least 3-4 days.  Another part of me wants the other part to relax and realize it's life.  Sometimes you plan to be perfect, and sometimes your plan goes to hell in a handbasket.  No biggie.  You pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move on. 

When I weighed in after Phase I, I was at 172.8.

I had a cheat day that day.  Avoided weigh in the next day.  Tried to stick to my plan, but the calorie ranges when something like this:
Day 1 (Phase II) - 1226;
Day 2 - 1424;
Day 3 - 1583;
Day 4 - 3297;
Day 5 - 1765;
Day 6 - 1022;
Day 7 - 1290;
Day 8 - 952;
Day 9 - 1294 (today - assuming I stick to my plans for dinner and snacks)

Average overall calories consumed - 1539.22 (slightly UNDER my maximum calorie range for the day - assuming the range is calculated correctly - however this is NOT including my cheat day the day before I started Phase II).  This is WAY too high for my taste.

I went over calories on Day 3...completely cheated on Day 4, sort of cheated on Day 5, and brought it all back to center by Day 6.

I weighed in yesterday morning - exact same weight was I was on Day 1.  I weighed in this morning.  Exact same weight.  I'm beginning to think my scale is broken.

I put make-up on, finished getting ready (minus clothes) and weighed myself again.  This time - 172.  I'm taking it.  Even though I am highly suspicious of the number, I am owning the weight.

So, in 9 days, I have managed to lose 0.8 pounds.  Considering that I was over my calorie range 3+ days out of 9, I think this is a pretty great feat.

I was trying to determine, this weekend, what my problem was!  Why was I feeling panicked about junk food - I wanted and felt I NEEDED to binge.  Why?  What the hell was so different?  Was it because I got a "taste" of the carb life and wanted it all back?! 

Or, had I just lost my focus? 

I was fearing it was the former and that I would have to do a master cleanse of some sort to rid my diet of carbs and all things sugar (fake or not).  But, after Sunday, I think it all comes down to focus.

During the first phase, I marked up my calendar with a count down and marked the days off as I successfully completed them.  For some reason, I stopped doing that this phase.  Phase I I also thought of as "only 17 days - I can 'try' anything for 17 days".  I thought of this as an experiment that I would test out - if it was successful and effective - great!  If not, at least I learned some new recipes and meal plan ideas.

For some reason, in Phase II, my mindset got all screwed up.  Instead of thinking of it as "just 17 days", and an "experiment" I was working on, I started to dread the fact that this was going to be the rest of my life.  I started mourning the loss of yummy, albeit dangerously unhealthy, foods and I started to get obstinate.  The crazy person in my head threw a temper tantrum and my reasonable side gave in.  I started with the mentality of "I don't want to do this!"; "I want to eat what I want!"; etc.  All the while, reasonable and sane Jenn was thinking "why do I keep self sabotaging myself?  What is wrong with me?  Why do I keep doing this every time I get to this weight?!"

I've noticed a pattern in the last year+ with my weight loss.  Every time I have gotten to this weight - I start to become lax in my eating, logging food, etc.  It happened to me in October when I reached this weight.  It happened in March when I reached this weight, and it's happening again.  What is with this number?!  I worked very hard to get to this weight.  And I have A LONG way to go to get to the weight that I think I'll feel comfortable at - but for some reason I start to get comfortable with this weight and start to get lax.  I'm not in maintenance!  I'm far from it!  Yet, in my mind, my journey is not as important, for some reason.  Very interesting to me. 

I'd appreciate insight if you have any ideas or thoughts about self-sabotage.

So, to get back on track on Sunday, I decided to create a menu plan, go grocery shopping, and plan my week out.  I also started focusing on the fact that this was "just an experiment" and it was "only for 17 days".  I started counting down on the calendar.  And these mini challenges seem to have helped me get it all back on track.

Well, except for the white cheddar popcorn I ate for snack today.  Definitely not on plan.  But, the calories have been logged, and are included in the numbers above.  No biggie.  It's life, right?  Popcorn happens.  :)

So, I'm feeling motivated - once again.  I am determined to get down to 168 by June 22 (the end of Phase II) - that's just 4 pounds away.  And I feel like I can do it!

It's really hard for me to give an honest opinion of the weight loss speed in Phase II because my first week was atypical.  I'm hoping that this next week will prove to be more representative of the weight loss in the 2nd phase of the plan.  :)

Happy Wednesday to all!

PHASE 1 Results!

Ok - I promised them.  The before and the after.  I am mortified by the before, but it is what it is, right?

Ok....here they go.  I apologize for the poor quality of the "before"s.  My camera battery was dead and I had to use my cell camera - which bites. But, you get the gist of the photos....I made sure to wear the exact same thing in the photos so you can compare them.  I apologize that they're not at the same distance/angle.

BEFORE (May 14, 2012)....

Front view (05.14.12)

Side view (05.14.12)

AFTER (June 4, 2012)....

Front view (06.04.12)

Side view (06.04.12)

After 17 days of following the diet:

Here are the stats....

Total weight change: -9.2
Inches
Thigh: -1"
Hips: -1.75"
Waist: -4.5"
Chest/Breasts: -2.5"/-.75"
Arm: -.5"
Total Inches Lost: 11"

I would say it's a victory!  Today was my "cheat day" - decided to take a cheat day so that I don't lose my bananas.  Back on track and starting Phase II tomorrow...

Breakfast is oatmeal, blueberries, agave syrup, and milk.

Lunch is a kefir smoothie with strawberries and cherries.

Dinner is going to be...crap, I have no idea...oh yeah - meatloaf with yak meat.  :)

We shall see what the next 17 days brings us!  CHEERS!

Off the wagon.

So, I chose to fall off the wagon this weekend. 

Sunday, I had sunflower seeds, chocolate goldfish (instead of cheese), peanut M&Ms, mini snickers, shots of grapefruit flavored vodka, a cheeseburger ON A BUN, macaroni salad, AND potato chips.

Today, I had waffles with strawberries and whipped cream for breakfast.  More sunflower seeds.  And an awesome evening meal of pizza, followed by chocolate cake.

And I have enjoyed every morsel and EVERY bite.  This is what happens when I deny myself - I gorge.  Stupid gorging.

I had planned to get back on track today, after last night's food debauchery.  That did not happen.  So, then I thought - after breakfast.  That did not happen.  So, then, I thought - TOMORROW!  It's the end of a 3 day weekend that I desperately needed.  I have to get back to the real world tomorrow - which includes responsibilities such as cooking, and meal planning.  So, tomorrow it's BACK to the board.

Since I had two days of debauchery - I'm adding two-three days to the Phase I portion.  Dr. Moreno says you don't have to start over at Day I if you fall off the wagon, and although I'm tempted - I'm just going to add a few more days to try to cleanse some of the junk out. 

I'm feeling a lot of things right now.  Human.  Disappointed.  Happy.  Sick.  Angry.

Human.

I am human - I cannot be perfect.  I live life and I falter.  I am faced with temptations, and sometimes I give in.  I wanted to give in on Saturday - at the wedding - with bread and pie and potatoes.  But I remained strong...but that urge to give in has been bubbling to the surface and I had a feeling it would rear it's ugly head at me.  And - it did.  And I'm human.  So, I deal with it.

So, my weight loss is going to be slowed down a bit - and I'm honestly terrified to find out how much it's going to be thrown off.  Because I have worked SO HARD.  SO INCREDIBLY HARD.  I've posted how difficult this journey has been - you are all aware.  And I would be heartbroken if I found out that I've thrown it all away in 2 days.  Really hoping it's not the case.

Disappointed.

Disappointed that I have worked so hard and I chose to give in to my weakness.  I could have stayed strong.  I could have stuck to it.  But, I was weak and I gave in.  And I'm disappointed in myself.  I had made it through 2 weeks of the plan!  YAY!  But, I faltered.  Goes back to the support of the fact that I am human. 

Disappointed that I have to start over with the 21 day habit cycle - I didn't break myself of the carb cravings.  I gave in to them - 2 weeks in.  I only had one more week to go to get there - and I gave in!!!!  DAMN ME!

Disappointed that I worked so hard to get rid of the fake stuff.  My body was getting healthy.  And I just put more of that shit into it.  Now, I feel like I do need to start over to continue the cleansing.  I am no longer clean.

Happy.

Happy that I tasted wonderful food - buttered buns, potato chips, saltiness, sweetness, candy, chocolate.  DELICIOUSNESS!

Sick.

Did I not mention everything I have eaten?  You would be sick too!!!!  ICK in my tummy.  But happiness too!!!! ICK and HAPPY!

Angry.

Angry that I broke my awesome streak.  Angry that I'm not stronger.  Angry that I'm weak.  Angry that I'm human.  Angry that food won the battle in this war of the will.  Will it always win?  Is this my way of resigning myself to the fact that I will always be fat?  Always be ruled by food?  Am I conceding?

No.  My resolve is stronger than ever.  Maybe I need to have a gluttonous weekend every two weeks on this journey to allow myself to refocus?  I feel gross right now.  I felt like a rock star on the plan.  This is a journey.  This is not a race (even though I'd like it to be).  This is my life.  Cake happens and I will give in.  And that's ok.

I have the rest of my life to get this right, I suppose.  It's hard because I want to be thin now.  I want to be skinny now.  I want to be desirable and attractive NOW.  But, this is a learning process.  I didn't gain all this weight overnight.  I'm not going to lose it all overnight. 

So, here is the plan:

Tomorrow - breakfast is my kefir smoothie with green tea.  Iced coffee and eggs for snack.  Cabbage casserole for lunch.  Baby carrots for afternoon snack.  Fizza (faux pizza) for dinner. 

And instead of ending this cycle on Thursday and starting Phase II...I will be starting Phase II on Saturday.  Hmmm...I was thinking I would weigh myself on Saturday.  But, I don't think that's enough cushion time to get rid of the debauchery from this weekend.  So, I'm going to extend Phase I through Sunday.  I will start Phase II on Monday - June 4th. 

n one week - I will start Phase II.  So, I'm extending this cycle by 4 days (that should be enough time to get rid of two days of debauchery - I hope). 

So, phase II officially starts Monday, June 4th.  I will not weigh myself until Monday, June 4th.  It will be the start of a new week and a new phase in life.  :)  And I will work EXTREMELY hard this week to ensure I am on plan 100%!!!

No pork rinds.  No cheese (other than fat free feta).  No sausage.  No fruits after 2pm!  100% ON plan!  I can do this!  I am ready for this challenge! 

Back on the wagon again my friends!  Here's to another week of cleansing myself!  YAY!!!!  This is going to be wonderful!  I am very excited!

And we're off!! Well...almost...

It's Sunday evening.  Tomorrow is the big day.  I have to admit, I'm both excited and terrified.  I'm excited about the challenge that lays ahead, about how healthy I'm going to be, about how good I'm going to feel, and how much more energy I am going to have.  I'm terrified about cravings, being hungry, failing, and not being able to maintain the momentum...and not losing weight.

This last week has been somewhat of a week of food debauchery for myself.  I've been trying to get in the last of all the things I normally crave - to try to get it out of my system (the craving/desire), and to essentially give myself as much of it as possible to hopefully break my desire and cravings for INSERT FOOD HERE from this point forward.  I think it's working.  I told Josh the other night that I really just wanted a salad.  Good sign - that I'm craving real and actual food.

I think to be successful on this lifestyle change, I have to have a perspective change.  My body does not need very much food to survive - definitely not as much as I would like to consume.  My body is a machine and it needs nutrients to thrive and work efficiently.  And those nutrients come compacted in whole foods like vegetables, fruits, and lean meats.  I am a tiny girl (height-wise, definitely NOT girth-wise).  I'm only 5'2" (and a quarter if you ask the nurse who measured me at my physical last week).  The thing about being short is that I don't have a lot of body to feed.  So, I really don't need that much food.  I think once I can accept that it might be easier for me to eat less.

My tongue, taste buds, and fat cells are screaming "NOOOOO!!!!" right now because of my above statement. They disagree and would like more food, please and thank you - and none of that healthy stuff, please and thank you.

I think they will have to have a perspective change as well.

So, here we are...on the eve of the big change.  Tomorrow morning Josh and I will both weigh in.  And tomorrow, after work, I will take my measurements (not doing it in the morning b/c I am at Josh's and he doesn't have tape measure so I'll have to wait to get home to do this).  I will also take a "BEFORE" photo when I get home (I forgot my camera at home and my cell phone sucks to take photos).  So the BEFORE photo will be the first day of the change.

So, what's on the menu for tomorrow?

For breakfast, I have a kefir strawberry smoothie planned.  Have beautiful yummy strawberries that smell so good and are a wonderful bright red.  Also having iced coffee (unsweetened) with acidophilus milk.  For lunch, I have a large salad made of greens (about 3-4 cups), yellow and red bell pepper (about half of each), 2 carrots, and slices of cucumber.  My dressing is olive oil and vinegar.  And I have grilled 2 chicken breasts (although I will only be eating one for lunch - the other is to keep at work for when I get hungry).  Two hard boiled eggs for a snack, along with veggies to crunch and munch on.  Dinner is going to be taco style lettuce wraps with ground low fat turkey, veggies, and butter lettuce.  Green tea is to be consumed with every meal and the mornings is to start with a glass of warm water and lemon.

The challenge is getting my exercise in!  I am going to work on getting back into running, I think.  It burns a lot of calories, and is a challenge for me.  I'm going to try to keep myself focused on little goals (instead of going all out and training for a large event like a half or full marathon, and then crapping out afterwards b/c I'm so sick of running at that point).  So, I'm going to work on little things like a) improving my 5K time; b) working towards improving my speed; c) maybe graduate from the Galloway walk/run program to a full run program (still deciding on this one).  Since I've been out of the running loop since November (over SIX months ago!), I'm going to start with a 30/30 combo for 20 minutes every day - that means alternating running and walking, every 30 seconds, for 20 minutes.  Then in two weeks, I may kick it up to 30 minutes, and so on...(right in time for Phase 2 of the plan).

The weather has been exceptionally warm lately (like upper 80s/lower 90s) - exceptionally warm for Portland, OR, that is.  So, getting my exercise in tomorrow is going to be quite challenging b/c it's going to be brutally hot.  Also, I have an acupuncture appointment after work, so I'll be running around like a crazy person - work, traffic, acupuncture, traffic, home, running, dinner...it'll probably be around 8 before I finally sit down to eat.  So, I'm going to be grumpy, and famished.  And hot.  But I will persevere because I will feel SO good after I complete day one!

I will post tomorrow, after I eat dinner and sit down, to let you know how the first day went.

So, dear friends, here's to the first day of the rest of my life!

Intros

Hello blogging world!  I'm Jenn.  I'm 31 and I'm over 60 pounds overweight.  I'm a sometime runner, although I'm not a fan of running (hence the sometime), downhill skier in the winter, animal lover (always), fan of books and learning, and a most-of-the-time couch potato.  I have been on Weight Watchers, eDiets, calorie counting, anti-inflammatory diets, South Beach, juice fasts, etc.  I've been successful on some diets, but every time I tell myself I'm going to make it a lifetime change...I fall back into old habits...and get my flabby butt exactly back to where it was before.

I struggle, like most women, with body hatred.  Don't get me wrong - I have glimmers of "DAMN, I look good!" moments, but I am quick to remind myself that I'm probably delusional as a result of too much sugar, or not enough coffee.  You see - every time I have a "DAMN..." moment, I inevitably locate a picture of myself on that day...in that outfit...and realize that I was horribly mistaken.  I did not look good at all!

I'm tired of fearing the camera because I have to take photos at certain angles, or behind items, in order to be photographed.  I'm tired of avoiding events because I feel too gross to be in public.  I'm tired of avoiding clothes because they accentuate my (INSERT BODY PART HERE).  I'm tired of being tired!

In December, 2010, I wrote a letter to myself.  I told myself I was DONE being fat.  I was DONE missing out on life because of my size.  I was going to pull my life together and I was going to make changes.  2011 was going to be the year I lost 60 pounds.  I SWORE that 2011 was going to be the year I stuck to it!  I even signed up for a half marathon in January, 2011 (the marathon was in October, I signed up in January) to motivate myself.  I was going to start exercising every day, eat healthy, etc.

My resolve lasted until February, 2011.  And then it faltered.  And then I tried again in May, 2011.  And I managed to lose almost 20 pounds by the half marathon (October, 2011).  This was my 3rd major running event (2nd half marathon) and after every single other event I stopped running...until I started training for the next event (about 6-12 months later).  So, I also resolved to NOT stop running - I had worked SO hard (SO INCREDIBLY HARD - I cannot even tell you) to get to the fitness point I had reached.  I really did not want to let it go.  I took 2 weeks off after my running event (which is what I allowed myself to do), and then I went for a 45 minute run on a Saturday...and then a 30 minute run on Tuesday...and so on.  That lasted about 2 weeks.

By December, 2012 - I had gained almost 10 pounds.  So, once again, in December, 2011 (a year later), I made another commitment to myself.  2012 was going to be the year!  In January, I got back into plan (the same one I had done in 2011).  By March, 2012 I had lost the 10 pounds!  And then I gained it all back in the last 2 months.

So, my dear friends, here I am again.

I'm so tired of all my failures!  AAAAACK!!!!  I just want it to stick!  I want to stop feeling like I'm constantly trying, constantly failing, and playing the cycle over and over and over again.

This is especially important to me at this point in my life because I am thinking of starting a family soon.  And I want to have healthy babies.  In order to have healthy babies, I need to be healthy.  And I also don't want to be a fat pregnant woman.  I want to be a beautiful, sexy, radiating mom-to-be.  I want to be the type of pregnant woman who you can't tell is pregnant until you see them from the front, or side.  I want to gain the appropriate weight while I'm pregnant, and then lose it breastfeeding and being an active mama.

So, in my quest to change my lifestyle, and become a healthier, happier, sexier HOT DAMN woman (and future mama)...I'm delving into the experiment of the 17 Day Diet.

And, I have asked my dear boyfriend, Josh, to join in the fun!  That way readers can get a male and female perspective and experience.  I do have to say that Josh will be doing an altered version of the diet - but he will keep track of what he's eating/not, etc. so you can see how his meal planning differs from the plan by Dr. Mike Moreno. 

Why the 17 Day Diet, you ask?  Josh is a proponent for low carb diets.  I lost the most weight when I ate low-carb on my weight loss journeys.  I am also very interested in clean eating - little to no food processing, eating as closely to nature as possible, etc.  So, I came across the book in my online perusing.  And I got it, and told Josh about it, and here we are!

We will be blogging our experience, our progress, or lack thereof, and everything along the way! 

For those of you who don't know what the 17 Day Diet is, check this out: http://www.everydiet.org/diet/17-day-diet.  I am including this link, instead of the link for the 17 Day Diet, because I think that link is obnoxious.  The actual website seriously makes me NOT want to do the plan.  So, I wanted to provide a link that shows pros and cons.  I cannot speak to the diet pros and cons, yet, as I am not on it yet - but will keep you posted.

Contrary to the name of the plan, you don't lose all your weight in 17 days.  The plan has you go through three 17 day cycles (ACCELERATE; ACTIVATE; ACHIEVE).  You repeat these three cycles until you reach your goal weight.  Then you move on to the 4th, and FINAL cycle, which you will be on for the rest of your life.  The first cycle has you on a very low carb eating plan - lean meats, lots of veggies, two low-sugar fruits, probiotics.  As the cycles go on, you can add more foods.  The plan has you exercising 17 minutes a day during the first and second phases.  The third phase exercise increases to 45 minutes, daily.

The goal is to start the plan on Monday, May 14th.  Today is the 9th.

Thank you for joining us on this journey!