Faltering.

I started Phase II this week after one day of debauchery ("D" Day).  Oh boy was it debaucherous!  EEP!  Anyhow...on Monday ("D" Day), I spent about an hour going through recipes, making a grocery list, and coming up with this week's meal plan. 

Tuesday, I had oatmeal for breakfast, a fruit smoothie for lunch, and for dinner I made Yak (as in from the bovine family) meatloaf with veggies (will post picture later - it's on my laptop which I am not on currently).  It was...different.  Yak meat is a VERY lean meat (think beef flavored ground turkey).  I thought the meatloaf would be good, but it was very dry.  It also has a somewhat gamey taste - but not too bad.  Must experiment with yak recipes....

I also planned to have chicken salads over lettuce greens for lunch on Wednesday and Friday, so Tuesday night (after dinner), I put two organic chicken breasts (which cost me about $10!!! - but you get what you pay for, and paying less results in less nutrition and health, so there you go) in the oven after seasoning with olive oil and herbs (garlic powder, basil, sage, etc.).  After they were done, I cut them up into squares, added chopped apple, diced celery, greek yogurt, and curry powder.  I mixed it all up, and put it into two tupperware - lunch for Wednesday and Friday.

Wednesday, I had my fruit smoothie for breakfast, followed by my chicken salad for lunch, and then dinner was supposed to be fish tacos over cabbage (minus the taco shell/wrap).  But, I was supposed to stay at Josh's that night, and I had to go home after work, grab all my groceries that I would need for the next 4-5 days, my clothes, my laptop, etc. and then turn around and drive the 45 minutes back to Josh's - all in rush hour traffic BOTH WAYS.  So, although I left the office at 4:30, live less then 20 minutes away from work, got to my place at 5:30 because there was an accident along the way involving a pickup truck and a motorcycle.  Got home and threw everything into the car, turned around and headed back out - only to be slowed down by the stupid truck/motorcycle accident again - and got back on the freeway to head to Josh's, and ended up in his neighborhood around 6:30.  I still needed to make the actual tacos, and get everything going - which would have meant dinner would be ready around 7:30ish.  And I was in a bad mood from spending 2 hours in traffic.  And I was STARVING.

So, I stopped at Wendy's and picked up two salads for us.  Not exactly on plan - but better than two giant cheeseburgers and a milkshake - which I TOTALLY could have gone for.

Additionally - after dinner (which I scarfed down) I had to make breakfast for the next day which was going to be potato pancakes with applesauce and greek yogurt.  So, I totally could have made dinner and stayed on plan.  But, my frustration level and irritation level was at an all time high.  I just couldn't do it.  I needed food in my belly and I needed it NOW.

And then, I continued on my "not exactly on plan" streak.  That night, I was still awake at midnight - because I just couldn't sleep.  And I was HUNGRY.  My tummy wanted FOOD (probably because of the stupid fruit on the stupid salad - but it was the lowest calorie salad option!).  So, I gave in and had a bowl of Fiber One Honey Oat clusters cereal with my acidophilus milk.  Definitely NOT on plan (a. it was not a "carb" day; b. it was WAY after 2pm and c. NOT an allowable carb!). 

Thursday I had the potato pancakes with applesauce and greek yogurt for breakfast, followed by leftover meatloaf and veggies for lunch...followed by a bag of BBQ kettle potato chips (definitely NOT on plan).  I was starving for dinner (big surprise), and we had to pick Josh's daughter up from an appointment at 6:30, so we went to a bar for dinner (they have a great happy hour - NOT on plan foods - yet again!).  I really wanted the kung pao calamari.  But, I got the basil chicken breast (about 3-4 oz of chicken served over sushi rice with some veggies and a sweet chili sauce).  I ate the chicken and veggies and tried my best to avoid the rice.  I ended up eating 2 or 3 bites of the rice (ACK!).  Josh also ordered crab and shrimp bruschetta.  Which I had a piece of.  OMG SO GOOD.

We got home at 7:15ish.  And by 8, I was HUNGRY again.  So, instead of drinking a big bottle of water and trying to call it good, or having a yogurt and downing some water, I wanted the cereal again.  So, yet again, I had a bowl of the Fiber One cereal again.  And then, all was well with the world.  I drank the rest of my water, and I felt better.  I ended up eating over 1550 calories yesterday!!!  :(

The problem is I am beating myself up for my slip ups.  In my head they are GIANT.  On phase I I found it HARD to reach the minimum 1200 calories.  I would have to add olive oil to things I wouldn't normally (like sauteed veggies), to ensure I was getting my calories up and getting adequate fat.  And with the addition of the carbs, I don't have a problem meeting the 1200 calorie range.  I also don't have a problem with meeting any other nutrient ranges (fat, carbs, protein).  And it bothers me.  I felt so proud that I was able to eat between 1000-1300 calories and survive.  Although I had cravings, I wasn't starving.  I wasn't really ever hungry.

And now, I'm hungry.  A LOT.  And I'm going WAY over the 1200 calories.  :(

And I feel guilty.  And I have a weigh in on Monday and I'm scared.  I feel like it's going to be a bad result.  I'm trying to focus on the positive - my clothes fit great, I'm getting compliments from my friends and family, I'm proud of my hard work.

I think part of the problem is Josh.  Every time I go over to his place, or go out to eat with him, I give in to my temptations.  It is really hard to be on plan with someone who is not.  He also has VERY yummy food at his place (I have gotten rid of everything tempting at mine).  Additionally, I am very easily talked out of making dinner or doing anything for pre-planning of my meals when I am with him. 

In fact, when we started this journey - that he went off of after the first or second day - hence the lack of posts by him, the first week I was at my place and was fine.  The second week of the plan, I went off script a bit - a lot - because I was at his place.  The solution - avoid his place.  It's too tempting and detrimental to my waistline. 

So, here I am - Friday morning.  I find my resolve to stick to the plan faltering.  I want to get a cheesy bagel breakfast sandwich.  I want teriyaki chicken over brown rice and veggies for lunch.  I want to go to the movies and have popcorn.  I don't want to drink my kefir smoothie for breakfast, eat my chicken salad over greens for lunch, or eat the fish tacos I have pushed off to tonight for dinner.

I am determined to be on plan though. 

I'll keep you posted...